Dear Lord,

Hear my cry, as I cry out to you. Before me stands a mountain so tall I feel dwarfed. Before me stands a river so wide I’m afraid. Before stands the impossible, making me feel inadequate. But mostly, before me stands a choice, that I never wanted to make. A choice that was never mine from the beginning. Yes, I have tried to convince myself of what I will choose, and where I will go.. but right now, I commit it unto you. For I have done all that I did not for myself nor for my own gains. I have spent the last yr chasing not after my own dreams and goals. I have suffered, I have been bruised but I acknowledge that it is Your will for me to be here.

So give me the courage to face my mountain, give me the strength to swim that river, and give me knowledge that u are with me every step of the way.. that I will not be walking through this alone, nor will u leave me. Give me the right spirit to embark on this journey whatever the outcome may be.

And lastly, make me a light that will shine for You. For I am lost without you, and so are those around me. May You continue to empower me and to use me for Your purposes so divine. Reveal to me your will that I may be reminded why I’m doing this.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

A Quickie..

or rather a quick update.. no puns intended.

so the hard part of the trip has more or less been over and right now things have come to a sudden slow.. like engine braking to gear 2 from 5.

it's been one helluva ride.. every step of the way. short of going into the details of what exactly happened and risk getting myself into trouble with the pple in charge, God has been soo good.

i have seen his grace and his favour just as i prayed and asked for.. and again i am reminded that would not have been able to do it alone/by my own strength.. the fact that i managed to do what i did is a living testament of God's grace in my life..

right now, i'm just thankful for surviving.. and looking forward to going home..

thanks.

A Quick Prayer..

for those whom i love and hold dearly in my heart.. pls take good care of them and keep them safe in my absence. let no harm come upon them and give them a reassurance that u will likewise be taking good care of me..

remind me again why i'm doing this and rekindle that dying purpose.. realign my focus that i can once again see ur clearer and bigger picture..

i commit myself and all whom i hold dear to you once again..

in jesus' name..
amen.

Staying Alive

Ok, so this is just to serve as a note that I'm still pretty much alive. Training's been up to my ears and I've been feeling tired and sleep deprived for God-knows how long..

At the same time, I've also been deprived of doing things that I wanna do.. like tinkle with my ride, fiddle with my ipod and take more pictures so I can blog about them..

Anyhow, this post has served it's purpose, yes, I'm still alive.. albeit barely.. will write again.

Drop me an sms and tell me how u're doing.. I'd love to catch up, one way or the other.

HEY YOU!

This is a shout out to everyone.. yes, that’s you, you and you back there.. *point*

I initially intended to include a whole load of stuff here.. seeing that I rarely get the time to blog nowadays..

In the shower, ideas streamed into my head.. topics ranged from the awesome thai food we had at beepo’s place over the weekend.. the fact that StarCraft II is out and I totally missed it (yes, I’m a fan that was quietly waiting for it to resurface.. just like the now hopeless Duke Nukem). Then there’s the fact that I haven’t had a single post abt my car.. did u actually know I own one? Hah.. cheap little thing, but gets me from point A to point B.. so it’s good enough for me.. who needs a Ferrari.. *cough*.. =P then there’s the endless trg that I’m so tempted to put up here.. but the wiser half of me believes that it’s a better idea not too.. OpSec as they call it.

And then there’s all the little trivial stuff.. like the 6 sticks of ice-cream I bought at the petrol kiosk earlier.. yes, impulse buy I know. But what the heck.. life is short..

So anyway, back to real reason for this post.. this is a shout out to everyone I know, don’t really know, want to know but never did, acquaintances and strangers who somehow stumbled in here.. I’m doing good and I’d love to catch up with you.. do drop me a msg, whether sms, email, a comment here, or through telepathy.. I’d love to hear from you and find out how u’re doing..

Figures I should start somewhere before I start to morph into a grumpy old lonely man in due time.. hah.

Wow..

Ok, let’s not get excited here.. yes, I’m still alive and this is the first proper post since for-never.. so anyway.

It’s been a long-short 3-month plus since course started and in a couple of weeks it’ll be the mid way point. Fast, definitely.. one way of seeing it is that somehow.. I’ve made it thru toward the halfway mark already. Slow, surely.. cos there were moments that lasted forever and seconds that seem to burn away in slow-mo as you wait there in anticipation/fear/anxiety/pain.

A few things hit me in the shower earlier (no, not the shampoo bottle) and that’s perhaps the inspiration and motivation to getting this post down. For a start, I think I’m getting Fitter, Smarter and will Die earlier now that I’ve experienced this half of the course.

Fitter.
Definitely.. needless to say, when you start working out 3-4 times a week, something’s gotta change. I’m just thankful I have really injured myself big time although I’ve come awfully close on some encounters. I’m clocking my fastest time for the tests that I’ve ever clocked in my entire life.. even beating my supposed ‘fittest time of my life’ while I was serving ns last time.

Smarter.
I’m now dealing with a whole load of different situations that I’ve never had to encounter with previously. Perhaps it’s because previously, no matter what I did, there was someone above to report the issue to. So when servicemen A tells me he has some issues, and I find it too big, I naturally refer it to boss B, who will take over from there. Job done, I’m happy.. or at least I think it’s done and I feel less involved.

But now it’s taken on a whole new approach.. I’m dealing with anal issues both on and off the job-scope and there’s no one higher I can/should/want to report to due to the nature of the course.. which leads me to my last point of enlightenment..

Dying Earlier.
Morbid I know.. but hey.. when u start having an enormously huge sleep debt to pay back.. it comes almost close to impossible to do it. There comes a time when the weekends are simple not enough to catch back on the rest and recharge. Couple that with the stress that comes from both on top and sideways, and the pressure to keep myself up to speed in the course and the unspoken responsibility to lead the class, dying earlier suddenly seems like a good way out after all. Hah. So inevitably, ur lifespan gets shorten with all these.

Ok, so much for trying to keep the post up to date with what’s going on with me.. I also recently (well, not THAT recent anymore) got a new phone.. =) HTC Snap, and it even comes with a free hard-cover case..

A brilliant little device that has a tonne of functions which I’ve yet to explore all.. except that it works on a window platform and apparently no one has done a mod for the android to reside in it (yes, I have something against windows). If there are any lovely programmers who are willing to give it a shot, I’ll be willing to test out ur betas. Hahaha.. oh and did I also mention that it’s NOT a camera phone? So it means I can happily bring it to work.. brilliant. =)

Ok, the sleep debt’s getting back to me and I’m starting to find it difficult to find the cursor on my monitor. Haha.. time to go.

It's been a while since i posted anything here.. i know.. the past 2 and a half months have been both trying and fufilling at the same time..

in a way, i'm thankful that i'm able to experience certain things for i'm learnt so much both abt how to deal with other ppl as well as dealing with my own self.. i've also seen ppl from all walks of life and those who are here for completely different reasons.. at the same time i've seen how the human-nature can be downright selfish and self-seeking..

so ok.. this is not meant to ramble or complain or whine as much as i'd like to..just saying that i'm still alive and that this blog isn't haunted.