..that’s how I feel. Once again it’s back to haunt me.. counting the service days when the inclination probably first started, that would make it about 4 and a half years. For the past 1640 days of my life, I’ve toyed with the idea of joining the army and taking it up as a career.
Ya I know that to the every other person and his brother, it’s a stupid, most-ridiculous thing that I ought to be doing.. especially now that I’m about to graduate with an engineering degree. What’s more, if I actually wanted to, I should have done it 3 years ago, my tuition fees and hostel fees would be paid for and I’ll even get a handsome allowance monthly. I’ve also heard how my parents aren’t too crazy about the idea and trust me, as far as supportive parents go, I don’t quite want to push it.
But for that many days, I’ve had to battle this conflict residing within me. This relentless urge to join them. And no matter how hard I try, the moments that I can eventually flee my mind from it will soon be short-lived as something somewhere somehow along the line will remind me of it time and again..
I’ve always thought that the feeling will go away when I leave the army, but anyone who’s talked to me as of late will realize that it hasn’t. In fact, now that the career fair is here, and I’m looking around for a job, the yearning hasn’t been this much stronger before.
Against all common knowledge, I can’t seem to find the reason why I want to join in. Perhaps it was the good times I had, but definitely, as much as I’d like to blot it out, there were definitely times I don’t want to ever go through again.. never. Perhaps it was the camaraderie that’s hooked me.. I’m not honestly sure. In fact, I don’t know why, but it just appeals to me. Waay more than any other jobs..
I don’t want to read too much into it either, but it doesn’t help that previous attempts to secure some for of a job didn’t really get through.. from the countless failed attempts at getting a scholarship (like one of them mentioned here), to the ‘kiv’ replies of my interview.. I don’t want to read too much into these ‘closed doors’ but at the same time, I also know that there’s no such thing as coincidence. I simply don’t believe that anything happens ‘by chance’.
I’m tired of fighting it.. wise words anyone?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Ambivalent
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3 comments:
Wow, this is serious stuff...
Do you know how long are the contracts with the SAF?
Might be a good idea if you could tide through the duration this economic crisis in the army, then come out and still be able to pursue a regular corporate career after. You might rise to a cushy rank of major or so, and collect key appointment holder allowances after you come out.
hey bro.. if i am still legible for the LSA scholarship, then the bond's for 4 years if i'm not wrong.
else, if i get the SAVERS contract, then it's one of those 'lifetime/till you retire' sort of thing, although the earliest you can cancel the contract is 3 years.
something like that i heard.
hm, 3-4 years sounds like a fair amount of time to allow for the economy to recover...
It would put your achievements in your 2 years of NS to good use too, and the salary would ensure that if you do leave after 3 years, it would be with a substantial amount of savings? Good way to start your life off... Do you know how employers view military people looking to switch careers?
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