just being me..

could use one of these right now..

50 Days..

..to Christmas!!

=)

Me Time..

It’s the first lazy Saturday since my return.. quite a few things have happened since my return. Quite a few things have happened since I was Gone for that matter.

Haven’t quite settled in to the whole routine yet. I’m still waking at odd hours and jumping out of bed. Still having trouble sleeping. Still fighting the urge to reach that snack.

Granny’s moved out too.. she was supposed to stay with us while I was away. But then things changed and she stayed with us the day I touched down. But also, becos for the past 2 weeks things have been back-to-back with me running around due to work and the new house.. and trying to settle the after-work stuff for the wedding.. I haven’t exactly much time to spend with her. It saddens me to see her in this frail state. Just a year ago, she was in the pink of health and how she’s so frail. All I could do was to sit beside her and hold her hand last night.

Sometimes, I do wish that I could rewind the clock. And re-live the past as how I am now.. but of course, it’s never gonna be possible. This morning, dad sent her to my aunt’s place. A part of me feel like I should have spent more time with her when she was at my place.. I had no excuse. She was just here. I have gone without sleep for a month before.. this would be nothing. To squeeze out some time to spend with her.. but I didn’t.

Some things u only get one shot at, I pray I don’t live to regret my actions over the past 2 weeks..

Found a nice song.. ANOTHER nice song. Seems like they’re here to stay on my playlist.

Operation EliteFightingMan

I’m not too sure how to write this post. For one, it’s been about 9 days since the Graduation.. but perhaps due to how fast things were in the course, these past 9 days actually feels more like a month. Yes, time seemed to have slowed down, significantly.

In a way, it was a deliberate plan to NOT write this post any earlier.. I didn’t want to be caught up writing anything in the spur of the ‘moment’. I wanted it to be a true reflection after things settled down. A tonne of pictures and even our stylo-milo video is with me, but I’m not about to post them, cos that’s not the point of this post. This is not a show-and-tell session, but more of a reflection of what I feel now and how I felt then..

It wasn’t easy.

To say it was a walk in the park would be undermining what myself, 26 other individuals and 37 other batches stretched over the years, have gone through. I have to admit that some parts did feel like it needed some extra work, or could be improved, and there were some portions that I had a ‘this is it? Is that all?’ moment.. but for the better part of it, it was a self-actualization journey.. crystallized only by going through hardship.

A journey, I guess, that began 17 years ago, when I had my first taste of being in a uniformed group. Where I first learnt to recite a pledge or a creed by heart and that I was expected to live a life that upheld something.. that I was specially selected.

It was a journey that, over the years, I have seen how bits and pieces of those lessons and experience gained somehow got re-used and played an even bigger and more significant part of my life at each phase..

Throughout the duration of the 1st phase, I never exactly thought I’d make it true. In all honesty. I didn’t even dared think that far. All that I wanted to do, was to secure Phase I, so if anything, I’d at least have cleared it and will re-enroll into the course next year, into Phase II. Lo and behold, Phase I was over and I was thrown into a whirlwind of activities in Phase II..

They were right when they said the hardest part of the course is the Selections. In my opinion, I guess that’s the moment when the greatest pressure to perform is on you.. It was a make-or-break event, unlike most of the other activities that are scattered throughout the course. Phase II went by hard and fast. You don’t really have any time to stop and think.. u just went along with the flow. Real colours start to reveal themselves and u start getting an inclination of how a person might be on the inside..

The climax of it all, Phase III, is exactly what and how the others have described it. The superficial part of me notes down the ridiculous amount of sleep (or lack thereof rather) that we get.. almost humanly impossible, the insanely little amount of food we get and the huge weight loss I measured at the end of the course, coupled with the almost comical number of socks that I used.. but digging deeper I realize there’s actually a whole lot more to the course than just the lack of sleep, lack of food, long distances, fighting with each other, outrageous load to carry around.. there’s an underlying truth that u find out about yourself.

The truth about what makes u tick, what keeps u going.. what thoughts run through ur mind when u’re placed in a position u never thot u’d get out of.. what risks u’re willing to take.. who u really are on the inside.

To me, it’s not as important what I find out about my colleagues and buddies that matters most. Sure, I know now that there are some who will steal from me to sustain themselves, there are some who would stick by me no matter what stupid decision I make or opinion I have just because, and there are some who would jeopardize their own safety/comfort/good standing, just for my sake without me asking.. these are good things to know about the people around u when u are in this line of work. But no, that’s not the most important.

It’s about finding myself. It’s easy for someone to know who I am and how I’m like, but for me to know myself.. that’ll be more than an easy task. Which is why I’d say that perhaps our forefathers who conceptualized this course (even tho it’s copied from our American friends) had a good foresight that this would allow a soldier to truly know himself. Cos only then, is he able to perform his role better.

So my prayer now, at the end of it all, is that I keep these lessons in my heart. That I never forget the experiences, lessons and comrades that I have gained throughout these 65 days. That I learn to trust in Him who has started the good work.. That I be more like how I wanted myself to be, and less like those whom I do not want to be..

I pray I made You proud and shone your light as a guidance for others to follow.. I know there were times where I did not shine as brightly as I’m supposed to, and instead I crumbled, but I pray that amidst that, You use it and work it out for Your glory that I have made a difference to at least one individual.

It was my honour to have served You under difficult circumstances and I thank You for giving me this opportunity which few have gotten.. keep me strong to walk this path You have chosen for me and give me trust to know that You will see me through whatever You have planned in my life.. This life is Yours after all, not mine.

The 6 letters that mean the world to a soldier..

I'm coming home..

Thank you for seeing me through this.. I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own, without ur help..

I pray I made u proud and did what u planned for me to do..

=)

15 more days..

Recognising that I volunteered as a Ranger, fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession, I will always endeavour to uphold the Pristige, Honour and Esprit De Corps of the Rangers.

Acknowledging the fact that a Ranger is a more elite soldier who arrives at the cutting edge of battle by land, sea or air, I accept that as a Ranger, my country expects me to move further, faster and fight harder than any other soldier.

Never shall I fail my comrades. I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight and I will shoulder more than my share of the task, whatever it may be. One hundred percent and then some.

Gallantly will I show the world that I am a specially selected and well-trained soldier. My courtesy to superior officers, my neatness of dress and care for equipment shall set the example for others to follow.

Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger world. I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I embarrass my country.

Readily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete the mission, though I be the lone survivor.

Rangers Lead the Way

mel·an·chol·y

/ˈmelənˌkälē/
Adjective: Sad, gloomy, or depressed.
Noun: A deep, pensive, and long-lasting sadness.

It’s a melancholic Saturday afternoon.. been pouring and gloomy all morning..

another quiet Saturday.

Jewel - Foolish Games

Omelette

Where do I start? I miss Omelette.. she left 2 Fridays back.. suddenly the room feels empty without her. Even till last night, I still find myself entering my room quietly and fighting the urge to turn on the light, just so I won’t wake her.. but only to realize that the place which was once her nest, is now just an empty shelf.. I miss you Omelette.

U’re the one who’s always with the grub.. if I can’t find u, I know u’re hiding comfortably in ur nest, snoozing away and playing in hamster-lalaLand.. If I do hear u scruffling about in the middle of the night while I’m at my computer, then I’ll know that u’re sitting comfortably in ur food tray, enjoying that midnight snack while the rest of the world slumbers away..

As I was searching for a picture of u to put up here, I came across the whole load of pictures that I’ve taken since Day One. I see how u’ve really grown, from that tiny little furball that u were when beepo first brought u back, till how u were just before u crossed the rainbow bridge. U’ve changed, and yet u’ve stayed the same.

Sure, u definitely looked older and more frail now.. not as jumpy and nibbly as u used to be.. but still, u’re still always around the food tray and ever-ready to take a quick nap.. As if u could sense it, (or my sense of sound-discipline is THAT bad) u still pop ur head out when I return from work and greet me with that half-awake look, just as u always did in the past. Though sometimes I don’t get to see u much, I can never bear to wake u and shake ur nest just to wake u up, so I could see u.. though I was really tempted on more than a few occasions.. U lived the Hamster Life every hamster dreamt of, and yet, I still feel I could have given u more.

Both u and ur sister have shown me what it meant to have a life placed under my care.. and there’s no other lesson in this world that could have taught me better than how the both of u did.. I will miss u sorely.. and u will always have a little corner in my heart..

Send my dearest regards to Hamlette.

Omelette
21 Oct 2008 – 13 May 2011

Musings on 270511

This serves purely as an outlet for what’s been going on in my mind lately.. need somewhere to let all the steam out.

== Removed portion on Omelette, cos I think she deserves a whole post to herself ==

Bumpy’s been acting up quite abit lately.. air-conditioner broke, then the fan, then the water pump.. and all these at this crucial period before he expires.. I’m now stuck with wondering what I should get next.. a few choices on the list.. Toyota Axio, Honda Fit/Jazz, Kia Cerato, Mitsubishi Lancer. I’ve quite convinced myself that I’ll be needing a car, seeing that my new place is all the way to the other extreme corner of Singapore.. which leads me to my other point..

Got me a new place.. we went down to see it, not the biggest thing, but it’s mine to call a home. Not the best-est of the best location, but it’s mine.. and it’s gonna be my home. So I’m contented to even being able to own a home here in Singapore. Just got the keys, so now the planning and the renos can start coming into place.

Work’s been picking up since the whole load of them came back from their trg overseas.. somehow I get the feeling that the happy period’s over.. upcoming is all the extra stuffs and eventually the mother-of-all-courses to attend in July.

I need a sword-party for my big day.. I can’t seem to find enough ppl for it. But somehow, I’m trusting that it’ll work out at the end of the day and with ppl whom I honestly hold dear to my heart, not with just some any-other-person I pluck off a nominal role to help me.

If u’ve made it thus far.. congrats, u’ve just wasted 3 minutes which u’re never getting back. =P

Mother’s Day Day (part II)..

Ok, so as promised, here’s the update with the pictures 20 days late.

The was pretty much like any other day except that it was polling day to begin with.. and Lo and Behold, dad wants to go there bright and early, so we didn’t have to worry abt it later in the day.. like, just go, vote, then we have the rest of the day to ourselves. Nice idea.. but not very nice when u’ve to wake at 7+ on a Saturday morning..

So anyway, after casting the votes, we had brekky with beeps and ben at their place.. then I told them that we could go prawning.. see, earlier, like the day before, I told dad that we’d go fishing.. but the whole night, I couldn’t quite figure where to bring them too.. so I figured, prawning. Plain and simple.. and sure got catch.

Beepo wanted to come along.

So fast-forward and I’ll let the pictures do the talking..

Left: the First Catch of the day.. =)






I just love this shot. hahahaha...

the first 1.5 hours were quite a bore.. then suddenly, as if on cue, the prawns started coming up one after the other.. catch of the day? 13 I think.. ok maybe 15, I can’t quite remember. Dinner was over at Lau Pa Sat’s Satay Club.. nice food, nice view, nice company.

Chow!!!

Satay Club..

Mother's Day Day..

Did stuff today.. cool stuff.. I shall return to this post with pictures and an update when I eventually get down to it.

*yawn*

ok bye.

musings..

Been up to a few things lately..

Got me a new spool of line, and I picked up fishing again recently.. hopefully this will last abit longer. At least I’m learning as we go along. Went fishing the past 2 Fridays.. catch was decent. Some snappers, gobies and a tonne of catfishes. Pests I tell you. Bad enough that they look ugly.. they come with stings too. Urgh.

-insert pictures of my catch, that Longan and StuntBike still owe me from the fishing trips- *grunt*

Got me a Haynes Repair Manual from amazon. Used. Flipped through it abit earlier, seems good with loads of illustrations. So after the overhaul, hopefully I’ll learn a thing or two about what’s under the hood of my car. Did I mention? I’d probably lengthen the life of my car. Just to see me through the next couple of years. Works out to be about 300-400 tops per month. So it’s pretty alright I guess.. will prob put down a couple of grand to service up and make sure the fella lasts another 3 yrs maybe.. hoses, suspensions, motor mounts and wirings.. oh, and that clicking noise in the steering too.

meet Bumpy.. =)

Yes, and it’s official, the house is through. So the next step would be to furnish it which seems like another daunting task altogether. But I guess it should be fun. It’ll be my own cave after all, and I’ll do what I want with it. =)

Haven’t touched my guitar in a loong while too. It’s just been sitting there quietly for the past months. Something in me misses the times when I used to be so inclined towards it. Maybe it’s like they say, ppl grow through the different phases in life.. pity really.

I..

S h o u l d

B e

D o i n g

W o r k.. should.

Laser Pointer Fun

Haven't touched my camera in a while.. haven't really used my new laser pointer much since I bought it last yr.. haven't really had much Eye Candy on my blog since quite a while..

So figured I'd try something.. turned out better than expected. =)

Love the Bulb Mode.. =)

This is March

It seems every big event that has happened was in one way or another recorded in my blog.. well, not EVERY single event, cos then I’d have no problem whatsoever as the one that I’m facing now..

I’m trying so darn hard to recall every single jump I made, cos the lovely ppl at HQ decided to think it wise to shred my log card. So that leaves me with the arduous job of recalling every single exit I made out of the craft. With the first dating back more than 6 years ago. What the heck. So if u’re reading this and for some reason u can remember when I did one, PLEASE let me know. I’ll buy u lunch. =)

ANYWAY, I figure that I should record the fact that I got me a new set of eyes. Well, not literally.. I finally got PRK done on my eyes and for the record, it was on the 24th of feb. but for obvious reasons, I couldn’t see squat for the past 3 weeks so blogging would be a little of a hassle that I wanted to avoid. Things are still a blur now and nothing’s 6/6 as of now.. but hopefully things will sharpen up soon.

With the eyes like that, I also have not been working out much which worries me quite abit.. there’s a whole backlot of stuff to clear physically, and with selections coming up soon, I’m considerably a little worried.

Other than that, work’s been fine lately, and things are starting to pop up here and there. There’s the typical fires to fight, unruly ppl to talk to and unreasonable requests to answer to. But that’s life I guess.. got me a new reel and some lures to allow me to kill time and fight stress but haven’t put it to much use lately.. sigh.

Ok, so there. I’ve done my dues for the month, to record what happened. Hahaha. Cheater.

The Curse..

.. of Mr Joel Chan.

ARGH!!! Certified Amphibian.. hah.

my first ever biathlon of my life and they actually got my surname wrong. Think someone was trying to pull a practical joke. Bummer.

So anyway, like they say, u just have to get past ur first time. Having done one now, the swim doesn’t seem so daunting and horrific anymore.. other than the fact that the doc said I tore my ligament (sound so bloody serious right?), I’m actually looking forward to next yr’s one. Do a better timing. =)

And no, it’s not a complete tear. Just a partial tear.. so gotta let it heal, and yes, it WILL and CAN heal, cos it’s not completely torn off.. can still walk/stand/drive.. so all’s good! =) thank God.

A Home..

..is not a home when u can’t be yourself in it. A home is not a home when it’s no longer a place I can be who I am.. and do what I want. A place where I can hide and be uninhibited. A place where I do not have to worry about pleasing other ppl or nurse a fear of what others might think of me.

A home is not a home when I can’t be who I am and do what I please.. when I have to put other ppl’s agenda ahead of mine. Where I no longer have my own privacy. When my own comfort zone is being intruded by others for mundane reasons. A home is not a home when I can’t even get a good sleep in. A home is not a home when I no longer look forward to going back to after a long day/week/month of work.

My home is no longer a home. It’s just a house..

Made Some..

pineapple tarts..

Left: making them..
Right: The Before..

The After..

From the Right, Number!

1. Happy New Year everyone. Yes, it's 16 days late, but what the heck. Better late than never.

2. Work's started proper.. at least it seems more like 'work' work now. I'm doing proper hours and I'm coming home daily. So that's an upgrade from a trainee's life.

3. Things are still highly unsettled. There's a whole tonne of things I'd want to do and love to do, but I can't seem to find the time/motivation/effort/know-how to do.

4. I love Borderlinx.

5. Thanks to leon, I now know what I'm missing. As much as I love my country *cough*, there's so much our northern neighbour has to offer that leaves us here to suffer.

6. So much for the first post of the yr.. later.