Procrastination

Root Word: Procrastinate. (pro•cras•ti•nate)
“the act of procrastinating; putting off or delaying or deferring an action to a later time”

So that’s how it’s like with my blog. After getting poisoned, it seems that I have had quite a few ideas on what to blog abt, and to add more pictures especially. But, lo and behold, the above-mentioned word takes over and I find a hundred and one other more useless stuff to do. Hah.

So I’ll make it up by putting a picture I took from Thailand while at training. Ok, not WHILE training.. that’s taboo.. after the serious training part.. Figured I got tired of my current wallpaper, and since I’m staring at this all day, I figured u might as well do the same. =P

River Kwai

It is Now

With great relief and gratification, I put up this post. =) today is finally the day of days.. when I finally graduate from the 8-month long stint. To say that it has been fulfilling would be as much of an understatement as to say that a hot shower feels good in winter, or that u’re just ‘glad’ if u picked up a million bucks. To say that it went easy, would also be a gross underestimation of the course. It is, after all, meant to train to make u a little more special.

The whole graduation package isn’t as big of a thing as I initially thot it to be. For one, there isn’t the whole brouhaha that comes along when the NSFs turn operational and get their crimson beret. There’s also that slight magic that got lost because the graduation date got bounced around more times than I have changed my underpants in my entire life, and mind u, that’s A LOT. Of course, u’d probably see a whole bunch of guys tearing if it had been presented to us at the end of the major exercise before coming home.. but that’s not the point.

So sum that all up and u basically get a quiet yet fulfilling evening. An evening that I’d probably cherish in yrs to come, not for the big fireballs that go off, or the holler of the fanfare as u march on into parade, but for the words spoken to each other upon receiving our prize. For the words Unspoken to each other as we just smiled at each other knowing exactly what we’ve gone thru and that there isn’t a need to say anything to know how we felt inside.

Sure, it could have been made a lot more spectacular.. heck, call in the media if u would.. but that’s not the point. It’s no longer abt showcasing to the world who u are or what u wanna be. It’s abt the Now. It’s abt the fact that u’re part of the team now. It’s abt the fact that u have made it.. and a new chapter begins Now. It’s abt working toward that goal at the end of the day.. His goal.. and that journey starts Now..

So I pray that I will continue to do what has been planned ahead of me, that I will not fall short of His expectations. And that I will continue to do well, not for mine, but for His sake.

The Poison

One man’s food is another man’s poison.. this poison however, was something that I have been fighting off and staying away from for right abt more than 2 yrs. The logic was simple, I didn’t have a NEED for it, it’s more of a WANT than a need, and so, I have no reason to get it.

Even on the numerous trips with my dearest friends, my good ol’ faithful one will always suffice. However, a comment I heard changed everything overnight. Literally.

One fine day I was at a reunion dinner with my dearest secondary school mates and the usual thing to playing with someone else’s BIGGER camera came into the picture. And there’s the usual fight-scene in my head that tells me it’s nice to have one, but I didn’t need a new one. Then comes the punchline, ‘Alvin, life is short. You should just get it.’

And that drove home the msg for me. The very next day, I was a proud owner of a Canon EOS 550D, with a 18-55mm kit lens and a 50mm portrait lens that I got at a bargain price for submitting my warranty online.. some offer thingy that Canon had. How timely. =)

the poison.. =P

You see, if u know me well enough, I’m not exactly the type that will splurge mindlessly on things. ESPECIALLY so if it’s on myself. The you-dun-need-it thinking will usually always prevail. But the msg drove home something so real to me. Even more so with the nonsense that I do, day in and day out.. life really IS short. And having want something like that for so many years, I’m pretty sure that it’s not gonna be one of them impulse-buy thingies.. so it was a simple decision. A quick lunch, a quick coffee, a walk to 2 different shops to compare, and a proud owner of shiny new toy. =)

Life is short, what will you make of it?

Urgh..

I finally succumbed..

I got poisoned today.

Target of Opportunity

ok.. so it's the formation's 41st birthday and we got half the day off.. not like it really mattered cos now that the course's coming to an end, we're pretty much free anyway..

so anyway, i couldn't give up this chance to send in a post cos it's been a while since i'm able to do something like this. it'5 raining outside but i'm sitting comfortably inside a nice quiet Subway watching the cars go by happily and enjoying a nice hot sandwich.. all this after sending my car in for servicing.. so she drives pretty much like a brand new now.. nice and smooth. also, i'm happy i introduced yang to uncle anthony's workshop.. happy for him cos now he has a reliable and trustworthy mechanic to go to who doesn't try to rip him off.. and happy for uncle anthony too cos i just brought in another customer for him =)

So u see. i couldn't pass this chance to blog abt today.. oh and here's a shoutout to all Subway lovers. it's 1-for-1 sandwiches this saturday at the branch at The Verge. ground floor. that's the place they used to call Tekka Mall, opp simlim and near little india.. =)

Ok, now let me get back to enjoying my day off.. =)

meet Bumpy

Hi, so I’m back from the advanced selections and basically my sad story, of sorts, is that I injured my right foot. The top part of it. Don’t ask me how, cos I’m not sure either. I just know that I walked and walked and it started to hurt and it didn’t get any better.

So anyway, it’s a mix-mash of feelings. Cos on the one hand, there’s my preferred unit to go to and on the other hand, there’s the “what if I’d stay on and persisted, it would have probably felt good to complete it” thinking. So basically, the past weekend was a mixture of emotions for me. Relieved yet disappointed. Calm yet envious.

Decided not to sink any further into the whole emo bit so while settling daddy’s iPhone contract earlier (YES!! Even my dad’s got an iPhone now.. I want one but I can’t get one. Darn..), I dropped by the supermart to get some ice cream, just so I can have it with the hot fudge that dar got for me some time back..

Then the usual walk in the supermart leads me to the auto section of it.. I bet it’s a ploy. The ppl who designed the layouts of the supermart probably have a Degree at how to suck in boys and their toys, ppl like me. So from simply getting some wiper fluid, it led on to getting a can of carb cleaner and then some cleaning cloth and a new can of WD-40 which also comes with a free cloth.. and no, it doesn’t stop there.. my car (aptly named Bumpy in case u were wondering abt the title of this post) has got the passenger side’s wiper broken.. well, it still wipes, just that the rubber bit isn’t really doing it’s part.. so I decided to get a replacement and DIY it.. but it was more expensive there than I recalled at the petrol kiosk.. So on the way back, I dropped by Caltex to get one of them.

the spoils of war.. haha.

So hopefully now, I’ll get a slightly better performing car.. just this past weekend, I managed to open the air filter and get into the iac valve to clean it.. but I figure it’s still not THAT clean, cos the rpm symptoms still return.. hopefully, now equipped with the proper cleaning tools, I’ll better be able to fix up Bumpy.

The windshield too! Finally no more ugly streaks or water marks or basically anything that stays on the windshield to irritated the crap out of me while I’m driving.. =)

Ok, I just realized that I haven’t exactly placed a picture of Bumpy here since I got him in april.. maybe in the next post.. =) thot I’d start blogging with pictures again. Recall how I used to blog with tonnes of pictures per post. Hah.

Latest earwax? The O.C. soundtrack – Mix 1.. =)

nostalgia at it’s best..

Dear Lord,

Hear my cry, as I cry out to you. Before me stands a mountain so tall I feel dwarfed. Before me stands a river so wide I’m afraid. Before stands the impossible, making me feel inadequate. But mostly, before me stands a choice, that I never wanted to make. A choice that was never mine from the beginning. Yes, I have tried to convince myself of what I will choose, and where I will go.. but right now, I commit it unto you. For I have done all that I did not for myself nor for my own gains. I have spent the last yr chasing not after my own dreams and goals. I have suffered, I have been bruised but I acknowledge that it is Your will for me to be here.

So give me the courage to face my mountain, give me the strength to swim that river, and give me knowledge that u are with me every step of the way.. that I will not be walking through this alone, nor will u leave me. Give me the right spirit to embark on this journey whatever the outcome may be.

And lastly, make me a light that will shine for You. For I am lost without you, and so are those around me. May You continue to empower me and to use me for Your purposes so divine. Reveal to me your will that I may be reminded why I’m doing this.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

A Quickie..

or rather a quick update.. no puns intended.

so the hard part of the trip has more or less been over and right now things have come to a sudden slow.. like engine braking to gear 2 from 5.

it's been one helluva ride.. every step of the way. short of going into the details of what exactly happened and risk getting myself into trouble with the pple in charge, God has been soo good.

i have seen his grace and his favour just as i prayed and asked for.. and again i am reminded that would not have been able to do it alone/by my own strength.. the fact that i managed to do what i did is a living testament of God's grace in my life..

right now, i'm just thankful for surviving.. and looking forward to going home..

thanks.

A Quick Prayer..

for those whom i love and hold dearly in my heart.. pls take good care of them and keep them safe in my absence. let no harm come upon them and give them a reassurance that u will likewise be taking good care of me..

remind me again why i'm doing this and rekindle that dying purpose.. realign my focus that i can once again see ur clearer and bigger picture..

i commit myself and all whom i hold dear to you once again..

in jesus' name..
amen.

Staying Alive

Ok, so this is just to serve as a note that I'm still pretty much alive. Training's been up to my ears and I've been feeling tired and sleep deprived for God-knows how long..

At the same time, I've also been deprived of doing things that I wanna do.. like tinkle with my ride, fiddle with my ipod and take more pictures so I can blog about them..

Anyhow, this post has served it's purpose, yes, I'm still alive.. albeit barely.. will write again.

Drop me an sms and tell me how u're doing.. I'd love to catch up, one way or the other.

HEY YOU!

This is a shout out to everyone.. yes, that’s you, you and you back there.. *point*

I initially intended to include a whole load of stuff here.. seeing that I rarely get the time to blog nowadays..

In the shower, ideas streamed into my head.. topics ranged from the awesome thai food we had at beepo’s place over the weekend.. the fact that StarCraft II is out and I totally missed it (yes, I’m a fan that was quietly waiting for it to resurface.. just like the now hopeless Duke Nukem). Then there’s the fact that I haven’t had a single post abt my car.. did u actually know I own one? Hah.. cheap little thing, but gets me from point A to point B.. so it’s good enough for me.. who needs a Ferrari.. *cough*.. =P then there’s the endless trg that I’m so tempted to put up here.. but the wiser half of me believes that it’s a better idea not too.. OpSec as they call it.

And then there’s all the little trivial stuff.. like the 6 sticks of ice-cream I bought at the petrol kiosk earlier.. yes, impulse buy I know. But what the heck.. life is short..

So anyway, back to real reason for this post.. this is a shout out to everyone I know, don’t really know, want to know but never did, acquaintances and strangers who somehow stumbled in here.. I’m doing good and I’d love to catch up with you.. do drop me a msg, whether sms, email, a comment here, or through telepathy.. I’d love to hear from you and find out how u’re doing..

Figures I should start somewhere before I start to morph into a grumpy old lonely man in due time.. hah.

Wow..

Ok, let’s not get excited here.. yes, I’m still alive and this is the first proper post since for-never.. so anyway.

It’s been a long-short 3-month plus since course started and in a couple of weeks it’ll be the mid way point. Fast, definitely.. one way of seeing it is that somehow.. I’ve made it thru toward the halfway mark already. Slow, surely.. cos there were moments that lasted forever and seconds that seem to burn away in slow-mo as you wait there in anticipation/fear/anxiety/pain.

A few things hit me in the shower earlier (no, not the shampoo bottle) and that’s perhaps the inspiration and motivation to getting this post down. For a start, I think I’m getting Fitter, Smarter and will Die earlier now that I’ve experienced this half of the course.

Fitter.
Definitely.. needless to say, when you start working out 3-4 times a week, something’s gotta change. I’m just thankful I have really injured myself big time although I’ve come awfully close on some encounters. I’m clocking my fastest time for the tests that I’ve ever clocked in my entire life.. even beating my supposed ‘fittest time of my life’ while I was serving ns last time.

Smarter.
I’m now dealing with a whole load of different situations that I’ve never had to encounter with previously. Perhaps it’s because previously, no matter what I did, there was someone above to report the issue to. So when servicemen A tells me he has some issues, and I find it too big, I naturally refer it to boss B, who will take over from there. Job done, I’m happy.. or at least I think it’s done and I feel less involved.

But now it’s taken on a whole new approach.. I’m dealing with anal issues both on and off the job-scope and there’s no one higher I can/should/want to report to due to the nature of the course.. which leads me to my last point of enlightenment..

Dying Earlier.
Morbid I know.. but hey.. when u start having an enormously huge sleep debt to pay back.. it comes almost close to impossible to do it. There comes a time when the weekends are simple not enough to catch back on the rest and recharge. Couple that with the stress that comes from both on top and sideways, and the pressure to keep myself up to speed in the course and the unspoken responsibility to lead the class, dying earlier suddenly seems like a good way out after all. Hah. So inevitably, ur lifespan gets shorten with all these.

Ok, so much for trying to keep the post up to date with what’s going on with me.. I also recently (well, not THAT recent anymore) got a new phone.. =) HTC Snap, and it even comes with a free hard-cover case..

A brilliant little device that has a tonne of functions which I’ve yet to explore all.. except that it works on a window platform and apparently no one has done a mod for the android to reside in it (yes, I have something against windows). If there are any lovely programmers who are willing to give it a shot, I’ll be willing to test out ur betas. Hahaha.. oh and did I also mention that it’s NOT a camera phone? So it means I can happily bring it to work.. brilliant. =)

Ok, the sleep debt’s getting back to me and I’m starting to find it difficult to find the cursor on my monitor. Haha.. time to go.

It's been a while since i posted anything here.. i know.. the past 2 and a half months have been both trying and fufilling at the same time..

in a way, i'm thankful that i'm able to experience certain things for i'm learnt so much both abt how to deal with other ppl as well as dealing with my own self.. i've also seen ppl from all walks of life and those who are here for completely different reasons.. at the same time i've seen how the human-nature can be downright selfish and self-seeking..

so ok.. this is not meant to ramble or complain or whine as much as i'd like to..just saying that i'm still alive and that this blog isn't haunted.

So It Begins..

It's the start of a new chapter.. One that i'm still struggling to figure what's what.. It'll be a grueling 8 months but i'm choosing to believe that some how in the midst of it all, i'll see how i fit into the bigger picture..

I'll see how what i'm gonna go thru will fit into the bigger picture.. I understand that what's best for me, and what's planned for me isn't always gonna be what i want.. But i have to somehow learn to trust.. He is in control after all..

Dear LORD, as i embark on this journey, i commit whole course into Your hands.. I choose to leave everything, both great and small, into Your hands, for you will take care of everything better than i ever could.. Let me realise my full potential that is Your will and let me never let You down.. Constantly remind me of why i'm doing it, that i may never sway when the going gets tough and that i may never forget you when things go well..

Eye Candy

Thanks to the advancement in technology.. the previous few entries I’ve made since late feb till now were all from my humble phone. Which prob explains why there weren’t many pictures accompanying them.. Yes, I CAN upload pictures too, but it’s a tad bit of a hassle, also considering that I don’t have a camera on my phone, making it slightly more troublesome to include a picture with the posts..

So now that I’m back, I think that it’s perhaps time to put up some eye candy again for my otherwise getting-oh-so-boring blog..

ok, I’m inclined to add this in cos I haven’t posted a picture of dar in a loong while.. really long.. lovely.. =)

bridge @ changi point

sunset @ changi point

attempted to capture the full glory of the scene by stitching the shots together.. didn’t really turn out too well.. can still see the seams..

and my fav picture of the lot.. it’s been my wallpaper since dec. happy cos I managed to get such a shot, and from my humble canon a520. sad cos I only got this shot after countless countless countless other lousy shots. One-in-a-million as they’d put it.

What if..

..you were making me all that I was meant to be..

What if I just let go and trust myself to your plans..

Teach me not to doubt in what I can do.. For I'm doing it not by my might, but by yours.

Hooah..

Heaven Now.. Gosh.. Finally! Now just gotta wait to go home.. Woots!

Greatness in Him

How does one prepare himself for such a daunting task as this.. How did the great men whom history books have been built upon do it? Were they any different from me? Were they also not mere humans too?

As the start approaches, i can't help but begin to doubt in my own abilities and give in to all the what-if scenarios that are playing in my mind.. It's a battle i'm fighting, cos i know and recognise that i'm answering to a greater calling by being here.. But yet, a portion of me still relies on my own strength to accomplish my given tasks.. A portion of me tries to achieve the goals on my own accord, thinking that i am THAT good..

Dear LORD, as i embark on yet another tour of duty such as this, i pray you guide me in your wisdom.. It truly is a second chance at it all over again, and i thank you for it.. May i never rely on my own earthly abilities, but instead lean on and put my trust in your promises.. May everything i do not fall short of the completeness and wholeness that u have intended it to be, and may i continue to be a light that will shine for you. Help me touch the lives of these 82 here with me.. May i be an inspiration to follow, a light to direct and mentor to guide..

Help me be all that u have intended for me to be.. Not for mine, but for Your honour and glory. Amen.

Greetings from khao meng..

Saying hi from khao meng.. One helluva walk yesterday and one heck of a fight this morning..

Some things still stay the same.. The same feeling while walking, the same pain in ur neck and shoulder and the same ache from kneeling.. But yet, some things have changed too..

The purpose seems different, the point of view feels different, the experience seems to have changed therefore because of it..

Which is not a bad thing.. As i strongly believe that it's all happening for a reason, and what ever's going on here is not happening by chance. Not at all.. So in a way, there's that tinge of excitement in the air as i anticipate greater things to happen.. =)

For His honour and glory..

leaving..

It's a mixture of anticipation, excitement, sadness, loneliness and everything else all mashed up into one.. In a way, i thank God i'm kept busy up to my ears since i reached the air port. It keeps the loneliness at bay..

I pray that do nothing short of my best this trip, God willing. And that i remind myself constantly why i'm there for and what i'm doing. That i'll be reminded of the greater good that He has planned for me.. And that i'll just need to trust and follow thru..

I pray i don't disappoint U.. Pls take care of everyone that i hold dear to my heart.. I commit them to you and leave them in ur care..

*silent screams*

I've just spent the last 14 hours trying to tweak my computer, with nothing much of a break except for our dinner.. Which was really good.. But anyway..

So the story goes that i haven't been seeing my full download speed that i'm paying for on my desktop for quite a while.. It's weird cos i really thot it was a singnet thing.. Heck, i even called to complain..

Long story short, i eventually narrowed it down to my own desktop being the problem.. It couldn't be singnet, cos the wired lan works fine.. It can't be the router, cos beepo gets an awesome speed.. So that leaves just my desktop..

Happy yet sad, cos i know now it's only gotta do with me, but then again, why me..

So i've been digging thru the net and pouring over forums after forums.. But to not much of any avail.. It would seem that i'm not the only one experiencing some sort of speed cap with my linksys wireless adapter.. But i still haven't found anything solid yet..

So looks like i'll be yet another day with crappy speeds and no clue to what's wrong..

Bummer.. Anyway.. Happy Chinese New Year everyone.. And a blessed lovely valentines to all the darlings and lovey doveys out there..

Time to crash.. Good Night world.. =)

Update 070210

Pardon the boring title.. I really can’t think of a good one now..

So anyway, some have told me that my blog’s been dead and ppl have been bugging me to update it. Lo and behold, the first post after such a long time came with the sad news about hamlette.. my heart’s still sore abt it.

This past week has been quite eventful. It’s a whole mixed up jumble of events.. both in and out of work.. this week, the line’s quite greyed out.. kinda hard to differentiate work from play with all the cohesion ra-ra activities..

Don’t really have much to comment about the company’s cohesion day, likewise for the bn’s one.. more like I ‘shouldn’t’ be commenting about them.. like I said, I’m not sure where to draw the line between work and play this past week.. and blogging abt work doesn’t seem quite the right thing to do..

Anyway, it’s been quite a ball of a time with the boys.. crazy stuff that I’ve never done in 26 yrs of my life and perhaps stuff that I’ll NEVER do again.. but all in the name of fun. Did some shopping with some of them too.. great warehouse sale. =)

Well, like I said, I don’t quite know how to name this post, and honestly, I’m not sure what this post is about right now.. perhaps just a part of me that wants to write, but I’m not sure what, why and how I should be doing it.. darn.

the wonderful 15 that I’ve spent the past 2 days with and 32 more to come..


coincidence? Nah.. FATED. Haha..


insert some interesting comment here about the long queue at chinatown for the bah kwa..


alvin’s Happy Food.. =)

Totally random post.. I know. If you actually read up till here.. thanks. I’ll buy u a coffee some time. =)

Hamlette

The room suddenly feels quieter now.. without that incessant ‘nick nick nick..’ as you chew away on ur house.. neither do I hear the wheel turning round and round at hyper speeds while you try to outdo your best timing on the wheel..

Looking over my shoulder at the tank.. it now feels that tad bit emptier.. somehow it just feels different now.

You were the crazier one of the 2. Sure.. you gave me a fair share of headaches and sleepless nights and mornings.. times when you chose to be chewing away at the cage/plastic house/wheel either at 3 in the morning or when I’m trying to nap in the afternoon.. or that time when you chose to do a ninja and climb over the divider and into omelette’s side and pick a fight with her at 5 in the morning..

You were the trouble maker.. but yet.. you brought endless joy to me. You made coming home something to look forward to more. Of the 2, you allowed me to pick u up occasionally, and you would lie at ur happy spot and drift off to lala-land as you allowed me to reach in and stroke ur forehead..

Every time I step thru my door, irregardless if it’s after a long hard week of training or after a crazy week at school, you would pop your little head up and scratch away at the glass.. welcoming me back. Immediately making me smile..

Every time I see you in your sleep, I always wished I could hold you and cuddle u in my palm without you fidgeting.. to just hold you and stroke ur fur as you lay calmly in my palm..

Yet, now as I’m able to do all that.. I wish I didn’t have to.. I wish I couldn’t. I wish you’d fidget away and try to leap off my palm. I wish you’d scratch away at my palm and try to bite my thumb.. I wish you would just move and wake from this deep sleep.

I miss you hamlette.. you have brought much more joy to me than you can ever imagine.. you’ve taught me so many lessons, more than you’ll ever realize.. and you thot me to give.. much more than you ever received..

You will always be remembered..

Hamlette
21 Oct 2008 – 31 Jan 2010

The Promise

“The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace..”

With those words somehow ringing in my head, I sat in the cab as it turned onto the highway. The brilliance of the rising sun piercing right through the windscreen and onto my face.. I squinted.

Selections.

For the 2nd time..

The same corridor.. that same wall.. the same bunk and the same bed.. the same views out of the same window and the same helplessness that seeps into you. It’s all coming back..

But no, somehow, this time, it would be different.. somehow this time I know it within myself that things are gonna be different. Not for me to boast, nor for me to impress, but for me to claim. For me to claim His promises over my life.. That’s how it all started. Right there in the cab..

The following 2 weeks were succeeded by the usual that I’ve come to expect.. the daily ‘routines’ and the never-ending anxiety.. the sleepless nights as we all tossed, not knowing how long more before it’d be time to wake..

But through it all, I am constantly reminded of The Promise. I am reminded of what I’ve done for Him previously.. how He has not forgotten.. and the sheer overwhelming joy, knowing that I have pleased Him and made Him proud.. I am reminded that I did not have to worry.. that’s all I needed to keep me going.

Dare I say that if there’s one place that I get visions and words dropped into my heart.. it’d be there. Of all places, in the deepest darkest moments that a person has to go through.. that’s where he seeks the light and finds it. That’s where the glory goes to Him alone, that’s where you recognize that it’s no longer your strength that u’re running on, and that’s where the story unfolds.

For 2 weeks, I get to experience first-hand, seeing how His plans will unfold when it is in His will.. I see for myself the impossible that can happen, the uncanny ‘coincidences’ that somehow take place and favour as He extends His protection over me.. And now, looking back, all I can say is that it’s all for Him and Him alone..

Not for mine, but for Your Honour and Glory.. I thank You for giving me the chance to serve You in the most dire of circumstances.. to be a light to shine for the others to see.. to direct them to you and plant that seed.. I pray I made You proud. None of these goes to me, for I know that without You I wouldn’t have lasted a day.. I thank You for opening yet another door in my life.. I pray You give me the strength and guidance as I traverse down this path you have willed..

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV